Monday, October 8, 2012

Why Your Team Sucks: 27 Tampa

This is a very special edition as 27 Tampa is likely viewing this while sipping on a "New England Style" beverage in Martha's Vineyard, like a lime rickey, following a great weekend wedding. The league convened in what appears to be a black walled rape box, with the commissioner getting into a position he is accustomed to.




 




The ceremony was truly beautiful with Samuel L. Jackson making a cameo appearance as an alter server.



This must really have been a special occassion as several league members passed up the opportunity to obtain this fantastic T-Shirt to attend.

The ceremony had several highlights, including Doctotors sporting the only black-tie at a non-black-tie-optional event, HandsomPants getting yelled at by the bartender, and doctorors swatting a napkin holder to the floor. The Crying Dolphins also made an appearance at the afterparty. 

So congratulations 27 Tampa. It's fucking shocking that your team is undefeated after four weeks of piss-poor performance. Let's face it, 27 Tampa is in the bottom half of the league in total points scored. The most he's scored in a given week is 118 points and only one opponent has managed to score 100 points against him.  27 Tampa is a .500 team at best.

Even Aaron Rodgers would be able to win against those shitty opponents and he kinda sucks.  Certainly not worth crying over when he gets traded for the handsomest QB in the league. But hey 27 Tampa, you get to choose between Dandy Andy Dalton, Smug Cutler, and Big Ben. That's worse than having to choose between dropping a deuce in a port-o-potty, gas station, or the Governor Bradford (although we all know which one the Commissioner would choose - and then leave his credit card behind).

So keep up the good work, 27 Tampa. With any luck you'll catch a run of teams with key players on bye weeks and luck your way into the playoffs. It's like the exact opposite of No Feelings, but we'll get to his team soon enough.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2012/10/meet-the-spaniard-version-of-aaron-rodgers.html

1 comment:

Justin said...

BPalm loves it in the deuce hole.