*This is a special presentation of ESPN's 30 for 30. All of the quotes herein are 100% accurate.
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| The Namesake |
NARRATOR:
There are thousands of fantasy football leagues worldwide.
But none have the unique combination of commitment, sportsmanship and
competitiveness that is found in the Vince Lombardi Memorial Rest Stop Fantasy
Football League (the “Vince”). This is the story of a fantasy football league
of scallywags, hooligans, and backstabbers – all vying for the Lord Stanley’s
Cup of fantasy football. The Bucket. But
the Vince suffers from one significant flaw, it’s founding document, the Constitution. If the
Vince were Gotham City, Bruce Wayne was shot and killed long ago with his
parents outside the theater. There is no savior – no Batman, Adam Banks,
Neo, or Russell Casse. Nevertheless, the
one common unifying factor is the love of football, which brings the members
together twice a year for revelry, merriment, and bucket.
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| VLMRS 2012 DRAFT |
LEE ROBINSON - League Member 2009 - 2013:
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| The Blue Wizard |
“Horseshit. I’m pretty sure this league
has nothing to do with football. You
guys talk about football for no more than 15 minutes of a 12 hour (air quotes)
“draft!” The rest of the time you argue
about rules that no one follows, hold sham elections and votes to impeach the
commissioner and argue about whether championship jackets or patches should be
awarded, which by the way, NEVER happened. I couldn’t sit through another 12 hour ordeal, which is why I sold off
my team to Creegan…sucker.”
NARRATOR:
History shows that, competitiveness and commitment wavers from season to season, and sportsmanship is questionable, if not altogether non-existent. When it comes down to it, with all of its
flaws the Vince members enjoy the competition, but really seem to oddly relish any
excuse to get blind drunk and yell at the Commissioner. It is fully expected that the
Vince will be eventually get banned from every steakhouse in NYC.
DAN ROBINSON:
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| DXR - 2011 |
“I’m okay with that.
Those places are overpriced and overrated anyway. I know it was my idea, and a fantastic one at
that, but seriously, did anyone actually expect that we would be able to
control ourselves, even in an environment where the waiters are wearing bowties
and vests? Actually, we should probably make bowties and vests mandatory for
all winter meetings. What really
derailed the 2014 Winter Meeting was the pre-meeting caucus at the German Beer
Hall. As Vice Commissioner, I decree that every winter meeting start at the
German Beer Hall (and end in shame).”
NARRATOR:
The origins of the Vince date back to 2005, in the hallowed
halls of the Quinnipiac University School of Law, where rising 2L Brian Palmeri
conceived of the concept of a fantasy football league comprised of all his
friends.
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| The Commissioner circa 2005 |
BRIAN PALMERI:
“This was my first
shot at being commissioner. No one was inviting me to join their other leagues
so I thought, what the heck, now that I no longer have to be the founder,
president and sole member of the Republican Law Society, I should get all my
friends to play fantasy football.”
NARRATOR:
The first fantasy football league commissioner-ed by Brian Palmeri
and was indeed the Ohio League to the present day power house that is the
Vince. It was an 8 team league that included Chris Balll, Joe DiSillvestro, and
“Sneaky” Peter DeFranck.
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| The sneakiest of Petes |
SNEAKY PETE:
“Brian was my 1L roommate. When he invited me to join this
league I was really surprised and happy. I’d finally broken through! After 12
months of cooking him elaborate meals that sometimes required every single pot
and pan in the kitchen and leaving aromatic apple peels in the shower, I’d
finally broken through his tough exterior!”
BRIAN PALMERI:
“Sneaky Pete was one of the oddest people I’ve ever known,
but we needed an even number of teams so…”
NARRATOR:
That 2005 league was cleverly named QU Law on Yahoo!’s
fledgling fantasy sports website. The teams were poorly drafted and Mario Martins
finished in last place, kicking off a trend that would carry him to the most
last place finishes with 3. However, in
the modern era, he is merely tied for last place finishes with Covey and Hamor at
two apiece.
Two thousand and six marked the first year of expansion from
a pathetic eight team league to a full-fledged 12 team league. Sneaky Pete was
tasked with filling out the rest of the league and brought in his night section
cohorts, Ari Schneider and Jordan ________.
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| GJB circa 2006 |
GREG BAUTISTA:
“ I vividly remember this draft as it was the first live
in-person draft that took place at the historic/infamous mansion/pizza parlor/flophouse
known as 680 West Woods Road.”
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| The |
“How could you forget the basement, with its absurdly
colored walls, bar, beer pong table, which I dominated, and the
Christmas light ceiling. That house survived a lot, and I’m 100% certain that
the new owners have no idea what went on there.
I wonder if their inspection uncovered the poorly excellently patched
Dan Robinson ass-sized hole in the wall across from the second bedroom. Even Creegan has experienced the best and
worst 680 had to offer, in particular the great Eskimo conquest of 2006.”
NARRATOR:
2006 was marked by the hosting of the league on an ESPN.com
website, which everyone agreed was terrible a terrible idea. There was even a trade made at the
draft that was promptly vetoed by league vote.
ARI SCHNEIDER – League Member 2006:
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| "Ari" |
“I made a brilliant move trading away Shaun Alexander. It
was a live room so I decided to announce the trade immediately instead of
waiting for after the draft. However,
once the trade was announced, there was a cry of foul – I think it was KJ who
spoke first – and next thing I know the trade is vetoed. I was pissed, but it was only made worse when
my fears were realized and Alexander got hurt and began the decline of his
career.”
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| KJack - on Left |
KJ KELLY:
“Whoa, hey ! It wasn’t me.
I definitely voted against the trade, but I’m pretty sure it was Palmeri
that spoke first.”
ARI SCHNEIDER:
“Doesn’t matter. You
guys were a bunch of dicks. I knew it was time to get out.”
NARRATOR:
Brandon Dickstein won the 2006 season, which included his
selection of the finest NFL jerseys that $60 could buy. His choice, future NFL
superstar, Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints.
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| Rare Dickstein Sighting 2013 |
BRANDON DICKSTEIN:
“Look, I already had Pennington, D’Brickashaw, and Vilma
jerseys - why not switch it up for the free one? I picked Bush because I thought it would be a humorous contrast to my
last name. I’m pretty sure the
commissioner just bought some cheap knock-off from a Chinese website. The
stitching was all wrong, and the logo said “MFL” on it!”
NARRATOR:
In 2007 keepers were introduced into the yet
unwritten rules. This decision would
change the landscape of the league forever…
JUSTIN HAMOR:
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| Lead Singer for Aerosmith? |
“I loved the idea. The keeper value concept created a whole
new market for the league in terms of trading and drafting. At the time a free
agent pick up was a 16th round keeper in the next year and only lost
two rounds worth of draft picks in subsequent years. Of course, we couldn’t
just leave it alone. Each year after keepers were introduced more rules were
proposed to manipulate the system. I proposed a system where teams could buy
and sell equity interests in their teams and would allow for cash and other
considerations to be incorporated into trades. These guys just don’t have the
vision to see that the Vince could have become a whole new marketplace right
alongside the NYSE and NASDAQ. Pretty
short sighted if you ask me.”
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| Disappointment? Probably. |
JARAD LUCANN – League member 2006-2007:
“Once they decided to make this a keeper league I knew I had
to get out. 2006 was enough of a shit
show without keepers. They could barely agree on which of Palmeri’s western
Massachusetts friends to let in the league. By the way, it should have been
neither of them. That’s why I got out at the first opportunity.”
NARRATOR:
2007 marked the introduction of the first of the
Commissioners appointed team owners. Brian Rice and Tommy Silver replaced Ari
and Jordan, appearing for the draft at 680 West Woods Road.
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| Martins 2005 |
MARIO MARTINS:
“They were decent guys, stuck around a couple of years if I
recall. But they weren't bringing anything to the table. Rice just
complained a lot. He fit right in when
it came to giving the Commissioner a hard time, but it always seemed mean
spirited. We like to bust balls, but we do it because it’s funny and he
deserves it, and we keep it strictly to his shortcomings as a commissioner. The
personal attacks just seemed misplaced.”
NARRATOR:
2007 also marked the final year that 680 West Woods Road was
available as a draft location. It was
retired in a grand fashion, as the host venue for the viewing of the first of
two Super Bowls in which the Giants defeated the favored Patriots.
The 2008 season saw the departure of Jarad Lucan, with Brett
Woodis taking over his team. The draft
was held at Archie Moore’s in Derby that fall.
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| Woodis - foreground Mook - fantastic background Winter Meeting 2013 |
BRETT WOODIS:
“The Commissioner asked me if I wanted to join a fantasy
football league. I think I was the third or fourth person he asked after
Cartona and Hillman. At the time, those guys were smart enough to pass. I really had no idea what I was stepping
into. There was a major controversy over Tom Brady, who was injured early in
the 2008 season, dropped by Dan Robinson, and then picked up by the
Commissioner.”
NARRATOR:
2008 was indeed a dark year for the Vince. The move by the
commissioner forever changed the Vince from a cordial league of gentlemen
engaged in a gentlemanly fantasy game, plunging it into the dark depths in
which it lives today. The commissioner, given the opportunity to act in the
overall best interests of the league returning Tom Brady to the free agent pool
or allowing him to be stashed on IR, instead manufactured a justification that
allowed him to keep Tom Brady as a free agent for as many as four years,
throwing the competitive balance in his favor for the subsequent seasons. From
that day forward league members no longer focused their attention on drafting
the best team possible. Instead the focus was shifted to three alternative
goals: (1) finding and taking advantage of loop holes in the poorly drafted
constitution; (2) proposing amendments to plug those holds; (3) catching the
Commissioner from finding ways to take further advantage of the poorly drafted
constitution that he, himself, drafted.
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| Yeah. Pissed. |
GREG BAUTISTA:
“The Brady Rule, as it now infamously known, is complete
bullshit. It continues to fuck me over to this day – I’m carrying child beater Adrian
Peterson on my roster instead of dropping him just so someone can’t keep him in
the 10th round next year. My proposed amendment – that draft status
stays with a player for the full season – would alleviate that. The commissioner’s reasoning at the time was
a clearly done out of self interest. Read it for yourself. None of the
reasons/goals make sense.”
NARRATOR (Reading):
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9/15/08
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||
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||||
Dear bitches,
I cannot pass the buck
under the guise of democracy any longer. The potential for endless conversation
is a real possibility. Therefore, I took all the suggestions and did some of my
own research and adopted a set of rules for the league which will be in effect
going forward. There's nothing dramatically different and only the keeper rule
re: 3 years is retroactive.
I'm not going to
justify each individual rule (except the "brady rule") so save any griping. About the "brady rule." Essentially, a "keeper" is
a term applied to a player on a roster and the "keeper" label is akin
to that player's contract rights. However, if he is dropped he's not on the
team and like real life, his rights are re-set. Thus, if you trade with
someone, you assume the player part and parcel which is a consideration in the
trade. But if a player is dropped, he becomes a clean slate.
I will say that each
rule was set with a few general goals in mind:
1.) Fairness
2.) Risk and reward in
player management
3.) Maintaining interest
in the league and draft form year to year
PETER DE FRANK (shaking head):
“You think you know a guy. You peel apples for him and all
of a sudden he pulls this move. The
writing was on the wall. It was time for
me to quit before things got really out of hand."
NARRATOR:
The Commissioner’s move ultimately paid off in the 2009
season with a championship* and conveniently coincided with the doubling of
the entry fee from $50 to $100 per team. The raise in entry fee priced out Tommy Silver
and Brian Rice. Zack Turner and Lee Robinson joined the league in 2009 and
Justin Covey replaced Sneaky Pete.
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| Birdman |
JUSTIN COVEY:
“It was really great to see everyone. I had a blast. Not
sure about that Turner guy though. He was clearly not well – physically,
mentally, emotionally. Seriously, he was wheezing from the moment he stepped
foot in the house. I thought maybe he hiked to Goshen or swam the lake on his
way in but no, it turns out he was just really really out of shape and really
really drunk. Some serious consideration was given to how many people it would
take to get him into a flatbed and to the hospital. After that day I committed myself to physical fitness and feats of athleticism and haven't looked back.”
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| Matt Brow - foreground |
MATT BROWN (waking up):
“Turner. Who’s turner?”
NARRATOR:
After Turner passed in 2010, Michael Cartona took his place,
finally joined the league after years of claiming he didn’t like fantasy
football.
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| 2005 Cartona - Center |
MICHAEL CARTONA:
“Fantasy football is still stupid. Palmeri asked me to join
for like 6 straight years before I finally gave in. I didn’t quite get it. Bautista kept yelling about overturning some “Brady Rule”
and Brown would switch between “SANCTIONS!” and “AUTODRAFT!” I thought this was
fantasy football, but clearly something else was going on.”
NARRATOR:
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| Winner take all, indeed. |
2010 marked the first year that the “compete every other year”
strategy was introduced and executed successfully by Mario Martins.
MARIO MARTINS:
“We should keep raising the entry fee. Seriously. Winner
take all.”
NARRATOR:
At the 2010 draft Lee Robinson placed the sticker for Sidney
Rice on the draft board in an early round, not realizing the Rice had somewhat
recently suffered a season ending injury. Much to the dismay of KJ Kelly, Lee
was afforded the opportunity to take back the pick.
BRANDON DICKSTEIN:
“I wasn’t at this draft but I would have made him keep the
pick. Once the stickers on the board all
bets are off. He could have drafted
Keyshawn Johnson – which would have been a great pick – and I would have made
him keep it.”
LEE ROBINSON:
“Yeah, I should have been stuck with Rice.”
KJ KELLY:
“DAMMIT! RODGERS!!!!”
NARRATOR:
Tragedy struck in 2011 as the Goshen cabin was blown away by hurricane Irene. Adding to the issues was the fact that rancid meat was smoked and ultimately consumed. League ombudsman, Cartona, also caught the Commissioner again trying to manipulate the rules by using another, later pick in the same round acquired from another team to keep a player.
Tragedy struck in 2011 as the Goshen cabin was blown away by hurricane Irene. Adding to the issues was the fact that rancid meat was smoked and ultimately consumed. League ombudsman, Cartona, also caught the Commissioner again trying to manipulate the rules by using another, later pick in the same round acquired from another team to keep a player.
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| 2013 Winter Meeting |
MICHAEL CARTONA:
“One season in and I was onto his shenanigans. Frankly, I wasn’t really sure it was illegal,
but it seemed shady the way he was acting. All shifty eyed and jittery. Sure he’d had over a big gulp’s worth of
coffee at that point, but it’s easy to catch him being shady.”
NARRATOR:
Although the league ultimately later agreed that the
Commissioner’s move was “probably fine” it unanimously voted against allowing
him to do it that season. The consensus was it is illegal simply because he was the one trying to do it.
The 2012-2013 seasons were the first stable seasons the Vince
experienced, ever. There was no team turnover. The draft returned to Goshen. The Crying Dolphins made their momentous debut, complete with a completely
disproportionate reaction by the Commissioner who was allegedly “trying to sleep.”
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| Seriously! |
KJ KELLY:
“He said we could do whatever we wanted as long as we were
inside!”
NARRATOR:
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| Commissioner with Championship Bucket |
2013 was the inaugural year of the LBI draft, effectively
killing Labor Day weekend for years to come.
The 2014 season saw the exit of Lee Robinson as the league welcomed John
Creegan into the mix. The future of the Vince is simultaneously bright and dark.
Undoubtedly future seasons will present new challenges as the Commissioner
finds new and different ways to manipulate the rules and the league reacts to
stop him. Dues will continue to rise at a rate above inflation. But each year,
on the weekend before Labor Day, the members of the Vince Lombardi Memorial
Rest Stop will congregate in a location chosen by the Vice Commissioner to once
again raise the Championship Bucket in friendship and solidarity.
BRIAN PALMERI:
“We’ve come a long way from a Championship Reggie Bush
jersey.”
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| Draft Day 2012 |
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| Marinating Bucket |
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| KJ's Wedding |
